A Poem by RachelMurray


Author: RachelMurray
Created: November 27, 2017 at 01:40 pm
Upload Type: Poem, G (All)  
Category: Inspirational | Writing | Personal
Upload Stats: 4.16 Stars by 3 users with 3 comments and 49 views

I Will Not  

I will not presume to know more than I do
To dwell upon a well of thoughts forbidden
Or to be as still as a form unwaveringly rigid
I am not my past, nor am I my present here
I am my own future, scorched in greys
I am as changing as the dying of day
I will not be who I was before or who I seem now
I will be more than this, more than this life
It will fall in shambles, shards of glass at my feet
I will bleed words, I will breathe their fire
This world will encase a soul of ash and memories
I will come to life in the things that I learn
But till then, I will not fall for cheap wisdom scorned
I will be for now as I’m seen: a girl with dull eyes
And I will not presume to know more than I do



© RachelMurray - all rights reserved


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Comments & Reviews ( X 3)



Caroline
December 08, 2017
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Introspective
This is very thought provoking and quite unique. I love the depth of your thoughts shared inside this piece. Caroline xx
applaud


There are no comments on this review.




michaelgallatin
November 30, 2017
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"Malpa" is right on!
This is a deep, introspective and soul-searching poem. A piece about looking very closely inward at who and what you are and tempering what you find with wisdom, purpose and understanding. My friend Jeff, very much into Zen, meditation, mindfulness, etc., would love this. I like the wording a lot except for not being sure about the "dull eyes". I get that too I think but I believe someone on such an introspective journey would have deep and soulful eyes. At any rate it's a fine poem and SL worthy!

Namaste,
Mike
applaud



(Author)
Thank you for taking the time to seek a sense of meaning out of my piece, a lot of what I hinted at in my poem are references from old works I've done in the past, both those I've shared on here and those I haven't. It does revolve a lot around some soul-searching I've done and will do in the future, I'm glad you could tell as much, it means a lot to know it came across well. The reason for the "dull eyes" bit was actually in the way that they are viewed by others as dull: "I will be for now as I am seen," which is my way of saying "I will behave as such to appear to be what others see until I don't have to--for what they see is dull even though all they see is the surface."

Thank you again, Mike, for your review, it's much appreciated!

 RachelMurray replied on November 30, 2017




Malpa
November 29, 2017
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Deep, Challenging
I've kept this for a few more readings Rachel. I sense deeper meaning behind the words. I'm finding it difficult to separate the different thoughts from each other or to know where they each begin and end. I imagine that is the impression you are trying to create, and applaud it, while feeling a personal need for some more punctuation or spacing. Thank you. I'd really like to revisit this after you have spent some more time on it.
applaud



(Author)
You are right to sense a deeper meaning, I've taken pieces from older works that I found important and eye-opening to reference in this poem. I understand a need for punctuation and spacing, I myself don't tend to make too many poems without creating stanzas. However, I felt for me, I wanted this poem to have a build up from start to finish. I had this idea in my head of how it would be read where the reader's voice raises mildly in intensity and speed through-out the poem up till "But till then" where the intensity drops a bit and slows down again. So that's why I left out any punctuation that might have paused the reader for too long as well as avoided spacing it out.

Thank you for your review, I'm glad to know you found it intriguing, I love getting useful feedback!

 RachelMurray replied on November 30, 2017




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