A Poem by michaelgallatin

Author: michaelgallatin
Created: March 20, 2017 at 12:04 pm
Upload Type: Poem, G (All)  
Category: Western | Adult Humor | Love
Upload Stats: 5 Stars by 2 users with 2 comments and 130 views

The Ballad Of One Ball Johnny  

Once out west there was a man who was
as feared as he was crazy.
And reports of how he lost one testicle
are vague and a bit hazy.

Some say it was a prostitute
who Johnny refused to pay.
Others purport he angered a gambler
who shot it off one day.

A few claim loss to frostbite
in the mining town of Nome.
And secretly some whisper
he had an accident while drunk at home.

This last conjecture angers Johnny
the very most of all.
That he would be so sloshed and dumb
as to blast off his own ball.

But by whatever means it was
Johnny only had one left.
And the loss of the other nut
left him angry and bereft.

There was only one who could tame Johnny
and that was One Tit Millie.
She only had one breast left
and most folk thought that silly.

Because she was not a good cook
and lost it to a campfire one sad night.
Millie'd burned off one boob and scarred her face
so she surely looked a fright.

But she loved Johnny and Johnny loved her
and so their troubles ceased.
They married and moved from lawlessness
to settle down back east.

And in a circus sideshow
each one showed off their name.
So One Ball Johnny and One Tit Millie
also shared their bits of fame!

Michael "One Nipple" Gallatin

Last Modified: March 20, 2017 at 12:09 pm
© michaelgallatin - all rights reserved

Author Notes

My other nipple was bitten off out in Denver by One Eye Lucy. She was a prostitute I thought to trick by slipping out without paying while she was looking the other way. But alas I forgot about the huge mirror in the room. Angered greatly Lucy pointed a derringer at my balls, opened my shirt, bit off a nipple, took her money and left swearing like a gunfighter. And I have heard that the crazy lady wears my nipple now upon a golden chain around her neck. Hmm, maybe she did like me some after all! I love you too Lucy!

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Comments & Reviews

March 21, 2017
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Just what I needed
This has brightened my day Mike, fantastic story both in content and humour, sounds as though Lucy had a taste for you!! Did you offer to take her to the Ball? Loved reading this piece and look forward to more, especially if it contains more information of Johnny having a ball. take care Rod Spotlight.

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March 20, 2017
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I love how you kept the story going there! whew! I thought it was over but you saved my butt with that!!! this was an incredibly funny story that kept me going...I thought this was just going to end up being a killing story but it is actually a love story!! also a good campfire story!! make more stories and poems to go around a campfire!! lots of people will need it this summer!!!
(who is currently dead)

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