A Poem by SweetLullaby


Author: SweetLullaby
Created: August 22, 2010 at 02:47 am
Upload Type: Poem, T (13+)  
Category: Love | Gay/Lesbian | General/Other
Upload Stats: 3.75 Stars by 2 users with 2 comments and 184 views

Two forbidden lovers (revision)  

No one can know
No one will know
We will be a secret
We will be unknown
You are my lover
But it is forbidden
So we shall hide
We have to hide

Forbidden lovers we are
Forbidden lovers we shall stay

As skin touches skin
As lips caress lips
Your hands like fire
Burn every inch of my skin
Your sapphire blue eyes
Scorch my earthy orbs
This is love
But they all scold
We are a sin

Forbidden lovers we are
Forbidden lovers we must stay

My lover
My love
We are only loving
We are only caring
But so sinful are our kisses
But so dreadful is our embrace
That we must hide
From their hate filled words
We will be happy with each other
We must be happy with each other

Forbidden lovers we are
Forbidden lovers we will stay?

A sin
A frightening word
Yet that is what we are
Even though our only sin
Is loving one another
With each touch
With each kiss
We are damned

Forbidden lovers we are
Forbidden lovers we can no longer stay

Damned lovers we are
Damned lovers we be
Until the day comes
That we shall be free
Of your loathing glares
Of your disgusting words
We shall be free
We are free

Forbidden lovers we were
Free lovers we shall stay


Last Modified: August 22, 2010 at 12:58 pm
© SweetLullaby - all rights reserved


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Comments & Reviews



jediallday
August 22, 2010
Helpful? Thumbs UpThumbs Down
Good effort
Interesting perspective here. I like the justification linked to the act. I think it suffers a little from being out of step. There is nice rhythm at times, but then it jumps and jerks a bit and seems unsure of what it wants to be. I think maybe a repeated chorus in between each verse might work. Just thoughts really. Well done otherwise.



(Author)
Thank you for that. I have recieved comments on this poem on other sites as well and yours was the most helpful. I'm looking for constructive critism and that is exactly what you gave me. Thank you very much.

 SweetLullaby replied on August 22, 2010




justbromantic
August 22, 2010
Helpful? Thumbs UpThumbs Down
expressive


There are no comments on this review.




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