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Hansel And Gretel
Last 100 Poems/Stories/Columns:
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Author:
JonLondon
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| Created: August 09, 2010 at 01:57 pm |
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Entry Type:
Poem, T (13+)
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| Category: Dark | General/Other | General/Other |
| Entry Stats: 4.85 Stars by 63 users with 68 comments 1669 views |
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Hansel And Gretel 
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Woodcutter
Woodcutter
Where do you go?
Must you leave Hansel and Gretel alone?
"There's not enough food for our family home;
So into the forest both children must go
My wife is a nag she nags me til dawn;
To abandon them both miles from their home"
But
Woodcutter
Woodcutter
Where will they go?
"Into the woods, there's a place that I know"
Hansel and Gretel followed in tow;
Dropping white pebbles to find their way home
As they both looked around, their father was gone
Both Hansel and Gretel knew something was wrong.
They waited and waited for their father's return
The woods became cold, so cold it would burn.
Gretel began crying," I'm so hungry" ‘she sighed
"I know" said Hansel, wiping tears from her eyes.
"Can you see pebbles aglow with the moon;
A path to warmth and maybe some food?"
"Don't worry dear Gretel I'll get us home soon".
"But we have to be fearless we're all on our own;
As we walk through the trees that whisper and groan".
Before they knew it both children were home
The house was in darkness, the night stood alone.
In through the window both of them crept
Back into their beds and silently slept.
When the next morning came
Their mother so cross, so full of rage;
Knowing her plans had drastically failed.
She called to their father to meet her upstairs
Woodcutter
Woodcutter
"Why don't you care?"
"Both children are home," she spat with despair.
"I will lock them away for the rest of the day
With a small cup of water and bread which is stale.
Tomorrow you'll take them back to the wood;
And both Hansel and Gretel will be gone for good"
Woodcutter
Woodcutter
Where do you go?
Must you leave Hansel and Gretel alone?
"There's not enough food for our family home
So into the forest both children must go.
My wife is a nag she nags me til dawn;
To abandon them both, miles from their home"
They walked through the bushes and creepy tall trees
Hansel and Gretel held hands with a squeeze.
"Don't worry dear Gretel we'll both be fine;
I left us a trail, like the last one to find"
"I've dropped some crumbs along the way;
So we can find our way home again"
But much to his horror, the crumbs had gone.
His plan had gone so terribly wrong.
"I forgot about the hungry birds;
I'm sorry dear Gretel," were Hansel's words.
"The birds must have quietly followed
Now we'll never get home by tomorrow"
Gretel was crying, "I'm hungry and cold;
Please Hansel, please get us home"
He froze for a moment, haunted by sounds
A shiver he felt there were eyes all around.
Both children felt safer in the foot of a tree
"Hansel I'm scared, please will you hold me"
All through the night they huddled up close
The forest so cold like the touch of a ghost
They waited and waited for their father's return
But when morning came, there was little concern.
So both Hansel and Gretel set off on their way
To find the path to home again
As they walked through the forest they found an old cottage;
It looked very strange in the middle of the glade.
Dark brown it was and dirty looking
But it had a sweet smell;
Like biscuits were cooking
"It's chocolate"
"It's chocolate"
Breaking chunks from the wall,
"Taste some dear Gretel it's not bad at all"
"Well, well, well"
Come a voice from by the door;
"You children must be hungry,
Do you want anymore?"
"Don't be afraid, you have nothing to fear;
It's just little old me, there's no one else here"
Still hungry and cold, Hansel and Gretel
Went and stood by the stove.
"Look at you children you're all skin and bone;
Come a little closer, my eyes are old;
Tell me child, what is your name?"
As she locked poor Hansel away in a cage.
"I'll fatten you up then gobble you up
And your sister can stay here and clean"
"Please let us go, don't be so mean;
We were looking for warmth and something to eat"
"Look at you child, you're all skin and bone
But I can't wait forever or I'll be like bone"
"Girl, girl, go and turn on the cooker;
We're having roast boy and gravy for dinner"
"We'll add some salt and little red spice;
And we'll cook him slow, he'll taste so nice"
"Girl, girl, go and check on the heat;
And make sure there's room for parsnips beneath"
Gretel returned with a tear in her eye
"I think I've turned the heat too high"
"You're useless child" 'the old witch cried.
"I'll do it all by myself"
But as she bent down, Gretel looked around;
And nudged the witch onto the shelf
Gretel ran to save her brother, releasing him from the cage.
She held Hansel so tightly, "I'll never eat chocolate again"
They chained and locked the oven door,
The wicked witch will be no more.
Grabbing some food for their journey ahead
A basket of coins and a big chocolate egg
"We're rich, we're rich" 'they both happily said;
"Now let's go home to our warm comfy beds"
Along the path both children walked.
Their father was weeping;
As they approached the door
"Your stepmother's dead, she controls me no more"
"Forgive me children for abandoning you;
For your father was weak, what could I do?"
"Hansel and Gretel, I love you;
You believe me children, don't you?"
©Jon.London 2010
Last Modified: February 18, 2012 at 03:49 pm
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Author Notes
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Thank you for your time in reading, I appreciate it deeply
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Comments & Reviews ( X 78) |
Casky
August 13, 2010
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overall, good retelling
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Parts of this didn't quite jive with me; like some of the lines were irregular and didn't fit the flow, and some sets didn't follow the rhyme scheme you seemed to be going for.
Another thing: your dialogue lines. Your periods, commas, and question marks all go inside the quotation marks; where you don't end with a period, like here:
"Why don't you care"? - should be "Why don't you care?"
And "Both children are home", she spat with despair. - Should be "Both children are home," she spat with despair.
Overall, though, you've retold Hansel & Gretel very well.  It's kind of singsongy and well in the way of a fairy tale telling. I enjoyed reading this! |
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Additional Comments (1)
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fireice
August 11, 2010
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Very effective use of
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repetition. Leads the reader into the next phase very cleverly. Descriptive jargon flows like water from the tip of your pen Jon. A gift to be thankful for. The "creepy tall trees",....."The woods became cold, so cold it would burn"...."trees that whisper and groan",..."the night stood alone haunted by sounds"..."eyes all around",...forest so cold like a touch of a ghost"...these words send chills down the spine very fitting for bringing the reader into the woods. This may sound crazy, but I saw in my mind, some crosses to other stories -- "roast boy" -- roast beast from The Grinch That Stole Christmas, -- "the wicked witch" from The Wizard of Oz., "big chocolate egg" goose that laid the golden egg from Jack in the Beanstalk.
I thouroughly enjoyed the walk through this forest Jon. One I would actually like to take. Keep up the great work. Know I don't even have to say that though.
BRAVO my friend,
Fire |
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Additional Comments (1)
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wayneleon
August 09, 2010
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Dark and Beautiful
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Hello Jon, I have been so busy lately that I really have had no time to come here. But anyway, thought I would read this great piece you have penned. Very very dark, and a wonderful twist on the Hansel and Grettle theme.
Having read through this, there where some stanzas, that rhymed and others that where just off, I don't know whether that was meant, but I picked up on it. Other than that, the imagery in this poem/story, was actually fantastic and creepily so too.
I could feel the coldness of the forest in this and the fear of the children once they knew they where lost. Great writing my friend,.
Dark Wishes to you
Wayne Leon |
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Additional Comments (2)
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