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We love- They'll love us not


Author: atomiccolm
Created: March 02, 2010 at 08:57 am
Entry Type: Poem, T (13+)
Category: Love | Suspense | Friendship
Entry Stats: 4.8 Stars by 5 users with 7 comments 202 views

We love- They'll love us not 
Slipping, sliding, falling, drifting
The sands below won’t stop shifting,
Waking, sleeping, daytime dreaming
Sleep disturbed by thoughts, they’re screaming

Hoping, choking, guilt is creeping
Through my brain it once was sleeping
Now it roars awake, it’s growing
Cards close to my chest now showing

Constant, at me always, eating
In this heavy heart still beating
Moving into silence crying
This part of me is slowly dying

Shake it, lose it, take it back
Remove me from this beaten track
Take me off this darkened road
Back to a place of safe abode

Break it, kill it, stop it now
Anyway you can, somehow
Give me strength to face this fear
Before I lose all I hold dear.

Friendship, love it will be broken
Once important words are spoken
Actions lead us to a goal
Headfirst down the rabbit hole

Climbing out, slipping, falling
Yet none up top will hear us calling
Pushing, locking, doors they’re closing
Everything we’ve lost, we’ve chosen.

They'll hate us

But we’ll be together...............................



Last Modified: March 02, 2010 at 02:24 pm


Author Notes
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Comments & Reviews ( X 4)

saiom
December 12, 2011

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'Friendship, love it will be broken
Once important words are spoken'

If the friend is a loving one
the friendship will last imho




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Kayla711
April 01, 2011

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The begenning reminded me a lot of Helena from A Midsummer Night's Dream.
"I love thee not, therefore pursue thee not!" is a line that Demetrius says to her at one point. Which, sounds a little like the title. Lol, sorry just a random connection. Lovley flow and beautiful word word choice. Great poem.

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Lanky-bastad
July 08, 2010

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As usual
Great write as usual man! Havent been on myself for a while, good to see your still writing! Keep them coming bro, I enjoy reading your stuff! Sounds deep this one, hope it works out for ya!

There are no comments on this review.



Adagio
March 12, 2010

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First Verse The Best
I too enjoyed the first verse. It's so solid and complete it could be a poem unto itself.

There are no comments on this review.



Amandamic21
March 09, 2010

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The first thing I noticed is the word play, it really wakes up the reader and gets their attention. Great poem.

There are no comments on this review.



ThePriestess
March 08, 2010

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Ok my friend, this is the second piece of your writing that I have had the pleasure of reading. The first word that comes to my mind is.........DAMN! I mean that in a very good way!
You are asking for critical reviews; however, how am I supposed to do that when there is not one thing that is out of place or wrong with it?
I say, BRAVO and Thumbs Up to you my friend,
Take care, Timmie

There are no comments on this review.



JonThomas
March 02, 2010

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Very good poem
We love- They’ll love us not

First off I really liked this poem, and most times I can’t say that. Your first stanza is one of the best: I can really tell it was inspired. The words blend together and taste like candy they work so well. The next lines “Hoping, choking, guilt is creeping..........Cards close to my chest now showing” convey the feeling of being in danger with a monster “creeping close by” and all revealed by his cards showing surely we’ll be granted no respite when we face the oncoming threat. The middle of the poem and the last are also paramount and the final lines “They’ll hate us But we’ll be together.....” give hope that even though we are hated they cannot separate us and we have each other if all else is taken away. This is very good work. jonturner25@gmail.com

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