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Author: JonLondon

Created: February 13, 2010 at 03:53 pm

Entry Type: Poem, T (13+)

Category: Nature | Beauty | General/Other

Entry Stats: 4.82 Stars by 20 users with 21 comments 393 views

:::R:::A:::I:::N:::

I heard a song
From within the rain
As it splashed against
My window-pane.

Like a mystical bell
Casting a spell,
I looked outside
While rain drops fell.

Ripples of jingles
Guttering in song
As children in play
Went skipping along.

Their faces a picture
In the beauty of nature
Laughing and jumping
In puddles together.

Crystaline beads,
Hugging the tree's
As it slowly danced
To the musical breeze.

Pavements of silver
Reflections of truth;
Feeling the love
As the sun shone through.

The skies ablaze
As the music fades.
A touch of love;
Now smiles above

In the beauty,
Born from the rain.

© Jon.London 2010

Last Modified: January 12, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Author Notes

Don't you just love the rain

The font colour maybe a little faint here...so please read upon my site page - as it wont strain your eyes

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Comments & Reviews (

X 33)

windowguy
December 17, 2010

Helpful:

Outstanding

Another perfect 5! is desrves to be read over and over again. Brilliant.

Additional Comments (0)

There are no comments on this review.

becbec
October 12, 2010

Helpful:

nostalgic

so nostalgic I remember my younger days.... and I miss doing this thing that I did for soooo many times in the past ... savoring the cold shower under the gutters, ha, ha
Thanks for making me feel young... again...

Additional Comments (0)

There are no comments on this review.

gomsi
September 07, 2010

Helpful:

Wonderful

Truly wonderful. I love rain too. The busyness of daily boring work keep us away to feel the moments of GOD created nature.
Or sometimes we hardly get natural beauty in our city life.
And you will laugh if I say that these days we have heat preventing glass windows to protect from the sun rays.

Though it helps us from heat but that doesn't let us see the shining sun very well.
Your poem helped me to stop from my daily life and helped me to feel the beautiful GOD created nature.
I apologize for my late reading as I love to read your poem always.

Additional Comments (2)

JonLondon
September 07, 2010
(Creator)

Thank you Gomsi my friend...I'm so glad you enjoyed it ...Cheers buddy...Makes me happy knowing you could escape for just a little while at least...Thank you for your kind comment...I appreciate it deeply

gomsi
September 07, 2010

You are welcome, My Friend. take care. have fun.

melissa
September 07, 2010

Helpful:

Such a beautiful write, you are truly gifted! You have a wonderful way with words, rythm and flow keep it up! I look forward to reading more!!

Additional Comments (1)

JonLondon
September 07, 2010
(Creator)

Thank you ever so much for your kind and always thoughtful comments Melissa my friend...I appreciate your opinion deeply...Thank you...I'm so glad you enjoyed it my lovely

emeraldeyes
August 21, 2010

Helpful:

Beautiful

Yes, Jon. . I love the rain. . who doesn't? After reading the many senryu and haiku this week, believe it or not this felt long to me. But long in a good way. My favorite quatrain is:

Pavements of silver
Reflections of truth;
Feeling the love
As the sun shone through.

You, Lognstone and spirtsthread have been talking to me about using less of the little words like a, the, as etc. Keeping that in mind as I read this. One line strikes me as having possibly one extra small word.

While the rain drops fell.

It's fine as is, I wonder though would it also work as "While rain drops fell"

Peace! ee

Additional Comments (1)

JonLondon
August 21, 2010
(Creator)

Do you know what my lovely...I believe you're right ....me will hide the 'the' in the draw me thinks....I re-read this...after all it was ages ago when I composed this...but yep...I agree...Thanks Emz

fireice
August 21, 2010

Helpful:

Love, love, love Jon

You have the gift of bringing to life the beauty you see within nature and sketching your pen through the mind you so cleverly use. Your words fill the reader with the true smell, sense and reason for rain. Very subtle overtones of a child's viewpoint throughout. Now longer a mystery to others by use of descriptive expressions that light up a smile on the face. Rain, rain come to me. There is something about rain that makes you want to snuggle up to someone you love and just hold them.

Great write Jon.

Keep up the great work and sharing with us who adore you and your work.

Fire

Additional Comments (1)

JonLondon
August 21, 2010
(Creator)

Thanks you ever so much my dear friend....I'm so glad you enjoyed it...Again, thank you for all your support, I appreciate it deeply...I hope you're having a wonderful day

Kassandra
March 22, 2010

Helpful:

I love the rain

Always have but right now I just learnt to love it way more ! Thank you for this beautiful verse it emits a wonderfully peaceful air that I just have to believe in.

Additional Comments (1)

JonLondon
March 22, 2010
(Creator)

Thank you my lovely, I deeply appreciate your kind and thoughtful comment...thank you...Yep...The rain has a wonderful soothing quality about it, doesn't it my friend....Thanks again for your valued opinion...You're a diamond

HPGreg
February 15, 2010

Helpful:

Beautiful

Once again you have penned down a beautiful piece, and with nice imagery as always. A good flowing piece and composing it together using the rain, one could never go wrong. I still don't know what it is about the rain, but it always works great in poetry. I enjoy writing about it myself, I also like being out in it in the spring and summer. Thanks for sharing,
HPGreg

Additional Comments (1)

JonLondon
February 15, 2010
(Creator)

Thank you Daryl, I always look forward to your review..you've always been so supportive of my poetry, and for that I'm truly grateful my friend...You're a diamond...Thank you

God bless you always

in_loving_memory
February 15, 2010

Helpful:

wow thats really really pretty i liked it.. it made me think of a harp or chimes softly tinckling in the wind

Additional Comments (1)

JonLondon
February 15, 2010
(Creator)

Thank you so much for your kind review, I deeply appreciate it my friend...thank you.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it

Keneisha
February 14, 2010

Helpful:

Excelent!

I loved this..i could see everything...everything...i mean that...and it brought a smile to my face. I could just imagine looking out my window with a huge grin on my face reading this poem. How lovely really. FAntastic job Jon London..keep it up.

Additional Comments (1)

JonLondon
February 14, 2010
(Creator)

Thank you my lovely, I'm so glad you enjoyed it..I always treasure your thoughts on my poems...You're a diamond....thank you

Adagio
February 14, 2010

Helpful:

I like the last three verses the best. They are perfection. As to the overall poem I felt there were too many uses of the word "as". For example try replacing the second verse with this modification.

Like tubular bells
Casting a spell
I looked outside
As the rain drops fell.

I could be wrong but worth a try.

Additional Comments (1)

JonLondon
February 14, 2010
(Creator)

Thank you my friend, I have revised it..so hopefully it flows a little better now, I deeply appreciate your kind and helpful comment..thank you
I'm glad you enjoyed it

dazedforever
February 14, 2010

Helpful:

ooh

Omg I I love the rain! it is indeed the blessings of God in the form of water drops, and i absolutely loved this descriptive, mesmerizing and heartfelt piece, you have a wonderful way of expressing your fondness for little things, thanks for taking the time to write this, i felt the raindrops on my face, thank you so very much

Additional Comments (2)

JonLondon
February 14, 2010
(Creator)

Thank you my lovely..I always look forward to your reviews you've a;ways been so kind my friend...you're such a sweetheart

Happy Valentine's Day my friend

dazedforever
February 14, 2010

wish you the same

tarantulla81
February 14, 2010

Helpful:

beautiful is nature isnt it. what a soft and delicate way to express the love for such beauty.
you did a very good job on this one jon your words paint pictures and give a feel of peace,
thank u for this great piece i enjoyed it a lot

Additional Comments (2)

JonLondon
February 14, 2010
(Creator)

Thanks Joana, I always treasure your thoughts my lovely...I'm so glad you enjoyed it....I hope you're having a wonderful Valentine's day

tarantulla81
February 14, 2010

yes i am and i hope that so are u.
happy valentines day

Druidstorm
February 14, 2010

Helpful:

Beautiful!

Like the rain your words fall with the grace of holy water from the lips my friend. It brings a delightful feeling of youth and embeds a wonderful message of hope! Overall your craft once again marks a memory to keep! Bravo!!!...)o(

Additional Comments (1)

JonLondon
February 14, 2010
(Creator)

Thank you friend, I'm so glad you enjoyed it...I always treasure your opinion...You're so kind...Cheers buddy...you're a diamond

PamelaALamppa
February 14, 2010

Helpful:

Delightfully visual

I love the gentleness and the subtle rhyme used to enhance the musicality of this piece. I would have liked to see a bit more show than tell.

Example:

I hear a song
within the rain
soft droplets stream
my windowpane;

tubular bells
that chime a spell
with rounded splash
as rivers swell.

Just a thought. Sometimes pulling a piece into the present tense gives it an even stronger impact emotionally and visually for the reader. I loved the idea of tubular bells as the rain sound. I could hear it ...

and the thoughts of children playing in the rain! How fresh and alive! *smile*

All in all a wonderful visual for the morning. I enjoyed this and look forward to reading more of your work. Thank you so much for sharing this one with me. ~Pamela

Additional Comments (1)

JonLondon
February 14, 2010
(Creator)

Thank you Pamela, I think that's the beauty of expression, we all have our own take on things...Again, thank you for your kind and thoughtful review..I deeply appreciate it...thank you

elfqueena
February 14, 2010

Helpful:

delightful

oh as always such a beautiful, delightful poem, makes me laugh form the joy of it and dance to the tune of the fallinf rain, you did an excellent job on this my dear , such grace and such power in this to delight the senses, wonderful flow, form and rimeing, you bought it all to gather in such a delightful wonderful way, good good good!!!!!

Additional Comments (2)

JonLondon
February 14, 2010
(Creator)

Thank you my lovely, I always treasure your thoughts on my poems, you're always so kind my friend...Thank you Sharon, you're sweetheart

elfqueena
February 14, 2010

YOU SO WELCOME,LOL NOW YOUR TURN I JUST WROTE A new on 9sorrycaps) where do broken hearts go ,if you would kindly review it when you have time, thank you babe

INEVERDIE
February 13, 2010

Helpful:

I enjoy this

This was very beautiful, I'm fairly surprised, I know you are good at writing, but this is much better than I see most people write. It sets a enjoyable scene for my mind, and yes, Nature is one of my favorite things great job.

Additional Comments (1)

JonLondon
February 13, 2010
(Creator)

Thank you my friend, I'm glad you enjoyed it...you're a diamond...cheers buddy

HOMEGROWN
February 13, 2010

Helpful:

Nice flow

Good stuff Jon, but not quite as perfect as usuall. Tubular bells should be 'like A tubular bell'. Im not keen on the 4th verse as it doesnt rhyme and flow as good and I feel the ending is a bit a-miss somehow. Maybe 2nd line should be 'as the music fades the stain'? Then again, Im not an expert, just over critical and unshamedly honest. Dont get me wrong, I loved the poem. It has the usuall quality you potray naturally in your writing. I always feel the structure plays an important part in your pieces and it seems to come accross. The more I read of your writing the more I think you are either Gay or a woman! lol. You write with the pen of a Female protagonist. Elegant and delicate. Good workmate. Best wishes and Love always. Gem. xxx

Additional Comments (1)

JonLondon
February 13, 2010
(Creator)

Lmao!!!...owe thanks...no gay man in this house lol...
And I've just had this pace tested on another site, and it past with flying colours...strange lol....Anyway, thank you for all your support, I'm very grateful to you my lovely...You're a diamond, thank you

Icinia
February 13, 2010

Helpful:

JonLondon: Mmmmm.... So nice.... Makes me want to cozy up in front of the fireplace, wrapped in blanket with someone yummy...sigh...

Additional Comments (1)

JonLondon
February 13, 2010
(Creator)

Thanks my lovely, I'm glad you enjoyed it....I deeply appreciate your kind thoughts....always...Cheers sweetie, you're a diamond

orcl24
February 13, 2010

Helpful:

Amazing

Very well done greatly presented and thoughtful. The reason it rains is that when we have memories in our mind that are released God releases his rain upon us where we are in the earth as a blessing. And you capture some of what can be the blessings of what the rain can bring and in your case it is vivid imagery to that of a song that stirrs the soul.

Additional Comments (1)

JonLondon
February 13, 2010
(Creator)

Thank you my friend, I'm so glad you enjoyed my gratitude for the beauty we have been blessed with...Sadly, man-kind is destroying it all that was pure on earth....so these simple reminders of nature, make us think twice about how we live our lives...Thank for your kind and thoughtful comment, I deeply appreciate it...Thank you

God bless

andycapped
February 13, 2010

Helpful:

A BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF THE SIMPLE LIFE WISH WE HAD MORE THAN EVER EXCELLENT RHYME AND FLOW . PERFECTION BORN FROM THE RAIN A*C*

Additional Comments (1)

JonLondon
February 13, 2010
(Creator)

Thanks Andy my brother, I'm glad you enjoyed it ...You're a diamond...Cheers buddy!!!!