Entry Stats: 4.42 Stars by 19 users with 26 comments 554 views
with my last breath I will breathe your name You're my hero even in death In a need of an angel you came in the dark skies of the midnight
You taught me to believe I saw within you the light Because of you I breathe I could never repay you You've given me something to live for my Admiration is something I wish you knew I couldn't ask for more With you I know I'm never alone I now know what i'm meant to do I feel you deep beneath the bone I will never forget you I'm meant to keep you alive and known You shall forever be Kept strong deep inside me
Last Modified: July 20, 2010 at 11:28 pm
The author would love to hear your feedback but you must be logged in to do that. If you are a member of Writers-Network click here to login and review this writing entry.
Not a member? Not a problem! You can register here, it's free for everyone
If you only knew the contrast your words allure between the walls of my mind. A great pice of work. I believe that from now on, I will always be wanting to read more. And more to read I have, when there are about 500 other poems of yours.
I think this is beauiful and wonderfully writtn however I would enter line breaks insead of typing in one solid block because it lets the reader know wher to breath and can be used to enphasis points - but thats just my opinion and style. Good write!
Your poem is poignant, deep and meaningful. You've chosen a topic that is common to humanity. That is, the strong bonds of love. You have captured many of the feelings attached to love and have used adventurous vocabulary to aid readability. As an improvement, you could alter the layout, by using line breaks.
well done gothic thun! I can relate to this piec clearly...the way you expressed your feelings to it is great! thank you for letting me to review this immortal piece of yours! cos we live forever till the midnight light! gothic the night...
awwwwww this is really cute i really liked it... keep up the good work you're an amazing friend and writer and i love reading your stuff and i know i havent been reviewing lately but i will get to it soon otay i promise *hugs* i love you
I love this theme. Dark love story. Promising. Can't wait to go on through your poetry.
Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you — like music to the musician... — or else it is nothing, an empty, formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their nots and explanations.
- -F. Scott Fitzgerald
(Remember to return the favour and give a review back and be brutally honest. Nothing to learn from fake smiles)
This seems romantic and it's probably okay, but it's really hard to read due to the lack of use of punctuation! If the writer had taken some time to just put the dots and the commas, all would be easier on the eyes. Skipping more than one line might have also helped. No matter how good content is, the poem is little more than worthless without a good form. Keep that in mind ;-)
I als0 f0und it difficult t0 read.. but then I th0ught.. maybe it's a part 0f the p0em... part 0f the last breath... like, you can't say as much as y0u want t0 in 0ne breath. Instead 0f pausing 0r st0pping after each sentence, like y0u w0uld n0rmally talk.. y0u'd just say as much as y0u c0uld. wh0 needs punctuati0n.. right? =D l0l
Thunder- I really liked this 0ne =) t'was like...awwww at the end
You have talent, but it is almost lost with the abscence of punctuations. Edit your poem, amending it to be easy to follow and clearer to the reader. I do like your content though. Hope to see more of your work and with commas and full stops! LOL!!
Hey add some periods boy! this is great but people wont understand it with out periods!
there needs to be some pauses in here! but other than that I love it!!!! even tho they are all run on sentences...