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Fact With Fiction

Author: AlexHannah
Created: March 16, 2016 at 12:38 am
Upload Type: Poem, M (16+)  
Category: Contemporary | Adult | Relationships
Upload Stats: 4 Stars by 1 users with 2 comments and 257 views


My Love Melancholia

This man that I'm kinda dating now
Has got me all confused.
After sex, he ignores me for several days
And makes me feel so used.
I don't expect a lot from him.
Don't want to let him go.
But I think if he really felt for me,
Then he would let it show.
He pushes me to pleasurable heights,
Then makes me feel so blue.
This hot and cold confuses me,
I don't know what to do.
Unfortunately, there's no one else
Who fires my desire and flame.
I'm an occasional squeezed in fuck
And powerless to change.


My Love Euphoria
I'm kinda dating this man right now,
He has me in his grasp.
I hardly see or hear from him,
I  hope this romance lasts.
I don't expect a lot from him,
Don't want to let him go.
He stimulates me all around,
Fires body, mind, and soul.
He pushes me to pleasurable heights
And makes me feel so good.
But he keeps emotions and lust in check,
Just like a real man should.
Out of all these men
He's the only one who's kindled desire's flame.
I'm spellbound by his force and charm
And powerless to change.

Last Modified: March 16, 2016 at 11:15 pm
© AlexHannah - all rights reserved

Author Notes

Originally published to Writers Network, April 2014.  Follow up is titled THIS THING CALLED "A REAL MAN".

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Comments & Reviews ( X 2)

March 16, 2016
Helpful? Thumbs UpThumbs Down
We get what we ask for
If you feel powerless to change, that's why you're a squeezed in fuck.

I agree with that completely, and happily, that's not based on my real life.  As a bartender, I do see a lot of women go through this, though.

 AlexHannah replied on March 16, 2016

March 16, 2016
Helpful? Thumbs UpThumbs Down
Made me grin.
A space after each four line verse would improve the flow and help your reader.
I'm OK with the shock tactic in the final part of MLM, but unsure about that last verse having sufficient impact. It needs a bigger bang to finish.

Something like this maybe...

"Sadly there is no- one else
Who makes my passions soar
I'm just an occasional squeezed in fuck
He visits when he's bored"

And I'd like a stronger alternative to 'squeezed in' but hey it's your poem.

All the above just MHO. Keep writing.
Best ~ Abra

THANK YOU! !!! for a very useful review!!!!   The real story behind this poem is when I tried online dating and found that there are two ways to view the passion without commitment scenario.  Will try your suggestions after a couple weeks.  There's a specific reason for now that I'm leaving it up as is.

 AlexHannah replied on March 16, 2016


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