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High Functioning Schizophrenic


Author:   ThePoetDarkling
Created: February 16, 2012 at 07:31 pm
Entry Type: Monologue, G (All)
Category: Dark | Personal | Despair
Entry Stats: 4.9 Stars by 5 users with 7 comments 317 views

High Functioning Schizophrenic 


My mind is racing down that old familiar road again (Ah! We're wrecking!) wreaking havoc on my sanity while simultaneously keeping me out of the loop. I am a high functioning schizophrenic, going through the motions of normality but not having a clue as to what normal is, always wanting what I can't have but not really expecting to get it. I ask the voices inside my head, "Can you tell on which side the grass is greener if you spend your life sitting on the fence?" No answer ... I don't guess I'll ever figure it out. I'm too afraid to pick a side or make a decision for "what if" is ever present, clouding my judgment and hacking through my confidence with the brutality of a dull machete. Self-doubt confounds me and leaves me literally shaking in my skin ... my skin ... there's another stranger I am forced to confront daily-my reflection in the mirror staring back at me without a flicker of recognition, no empathy, no mercy ... soulless. She mocks and taunts me with a hypocritical, judgmental glare, breaking through my impenetrable fortress of death and running amok in my soul. She takes what she wants with no care about my well being or her own. She's oblivious to the fact that her tortuous games are self defeating, that she's as much a part of me as I am of her, that if I die, she dies. Or maybe she IS aware and this is her feeble attempt at suicide? I reckon she didn't count on me being so strong and why should she have? I didn't even know myself how strong I was until I entered that tunnel that was hidden behind my waterfall of emotion and emerged unscathed on the other side. Still breathing and still not wanting to because every breath pounds home the ache in my lonely heart ... Where is home anyway? And who ate my piece of the pie?


Last Modified: June 24, 2012 at 08:54 pm


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Comments & Reviews ( X 16)

user27485
February 18, 2012

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I read this piece twice and I still don't have much to say lol...this describes voices in he head that never stops talking like people constantly do. But the people are actually yourself funny I do that sometimes. This is beyond words and yet so darn creative I love this so much. I want to say more but I just can't so I won't lol Amazing...my goodness

user27485
February 18, 2012
I meant to say voices in The head lol sorry


ThePoetDarkling
February 18, 2012
(Creator)
Thank you so very much! I'm very pleased you enjoyed it



Vanceito
February 18, 2012

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A Winner
I enjoyed this read and thought it really allows the reader to know you personally. It expresses beautifully the conflict beneath your own skin and the conflict with reality itself. The repeated reflections of the internal struggle are evident in each line you write. I feel the entire piece is the piece of the pie your asking about but you wouldn't know that because of your being a "High Functioning Schizophrenic." Great line by the way.


ThePoetDarkling
February 18, 2012
(Creator)
Sweet! You got it! That's exactly right, my "piece of the pie" has been there all along but I've been unable to acknowledge it or accept it because I'm too busy pitying and fighting with myself. (Oh, and my son came up with that line, high functioning schizophrenic...that's how he describes me and I think he may be onto something lol)



nikkijade
February 17, 2012

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This story is so mcuh fun I love it


ThePoetDarkling
February 17, 2012
(Creator)
Thanks so much



Lee1970
February 16, 2012

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another awesome write, great stuff


ThePoetDarkling
February 17, 2012
(Creator)
Thank you my sweet loven



Caroline
February 16, 2012

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In sightful
and very interesting writing, BW


ThePoetDarkling
February 18, 2012
(Creator)
Thank you very much



KoolRabbit
February 16, 2012

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lol lol lol @ "machete" .... good write tho

There are no comments on this review.



Artimities
February 16, 2012

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YES! i love this one! AH! We're wrecking! = that's great! SL for sure


ThePoetDarkling
February 16, 2012
(Creator)
thanx






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