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A Poem by ThunderStorm


Author: ThunderStorm
Created: August 21, 2010 at 11:01 am
Upload Type: Poem, G (All)  
Category: Fantasy | Love | Friendship
Upload Stats: 4 Stars by 3 users with 3 comments and 148 views

Poetry Beach  

I walked on the poetry beach, looking at the sunís rays surfing on the mighty waves.

Seeing me surfing with a wave, so big I almost wipeout on my surfboard.

But I got back up and seeing the wave, laughing at me so I got back on my surfboard.

Then before I knew it, I was surfing on the mighty wave of all then standing in the sand.

I see all of my best friends, they was standing in the middle of the sand dunes.

So after a brutal 4 Ĺ hours surfing, on the biggest wave even I teach them how to surf.

Then after that I wipeout right on the sand, I rolled over gazing at the sunrays.

So after seeing the mighty wave, crashed down to a low wave.



© ThunderStorm - all rights reserved


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Comments & Reviews ( X 4)



emeraldeyes
August 21, 2010
Helpful? Thumbs UpThumbs Down
Nice Images
Hello my friend Thunderstorm. . . this feels like a dream and in dreams we can create vivid scenes that make no sense and it's okay. I have a question though. What makes this beach a poetry beach? Maybe there was some poetry written in a cloud or scratched into the sand. . .? Also, I think the ending could be stronger. I don't think you even need the last line. Ending on gazing at the sunrays would be a good ending. With maybe one word for an ending "Crashed". Just some suggestions to think on my friend! Hugs EE


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Tjejma
August 21, 2010
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beautiful..


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Veranika
August 21, 2010
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It was potentially great
It was a bit indulgent somehow. It needs something mean or raff, cause instead of taking me to the place one is strong and not only can fight off the demons, he/she teaches friends how to, I slid to the room with cheesy surfer, young and furious.


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