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My Comments & Reviews:

JEdwardNolan
Thu May 18 08:28:56 2017

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My Review of Love Condemned by bianca
Naked
Maybe a sour mood, and I'm glad to see I'm reviewing this piece eight (8) years after the fact. I think I've seen more emotional wars since I joined your beautiful writers-network than what for I was prepared (is anyone really ever prepared for such things?). This piece felt deeply personal, and so titling my verdict as "naked" seemed appropriate; there's no allusion here, and in the raw, and (oft overused word) gritty composition, I'm seeing more than a war here. It feels like betrayal, and in my opinion betrayal leaves scars.

I don't remember a lot of anything since I started posting on your site, and I can't attest how much of your writing I've commented (though I've read a fair share), but in being driven these past two years to return to what I know (or think I know), I thought it would be nice to read through some of the work of the authors on your site.

Congratulations on your books, Scardoni. You're talented, and you deserve the reward for your efforts. May all of your work go best seller.

Oka
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JEdwardNolan
Thu May 18 08:02:26 2017

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My Review of Pretend I'm Enough by RachelMurray
I've known this pain
I've known this kind of pain. I think once or twice in my life, I've even argued the points in the last stanzas of your poem. The whole lie to me, and say you love me sort of thing. It does leave you feeling very empty, and the lie is so tenuous, and frail. Eventually, at least for me, things always fell apart.

I've given you four stars for this piece. It's a good piece, and the content/subject is not why I didn't give it five stars... I just rarely give anyone five stars (it's kind of kiss ass, especially if it's not someone's magnum opus).

I will tell you, we the lost, broken, and miserable tend to be the bravest, and most fearless (except in matters of love). I hope this piece is an inspired piece, and not something that was written by any personal inspirations... if it is, you have my condolences, and I hope since this was written you've risen above, and beyond that pain.
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JEdwardNolan
Thu May 18 08:02:17 2017

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My Review of Ice Queen by frozenqueen
Risk and Reward
First, I understood - and can relate - to the context of your poem. I liked it, too, though I must admit it may need some polishing. For example:

it's freezing, someone please... cover me
its just too much... too much for me
the breeze... I should be use to this
i'm the Ice Queen, the ice is my fist

where you write "I should be use to this" is only a minor syntax infraction, and should be "I should be used to this".

However, your poem translated both pain, and angry to me, and I could feel the narrative go from pain, to passion, and even from passion to a vengeance. I've given you 3.5 stars for this piece, and if you polish it, and update it, I'll review the poem again, and rate your work again.

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JEdwardNolan
Thu May 18 07:41:20 2017

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My Review of Familiar Feeling by Silverblue
I would love to hear this
I am a music lover. I would love to hear this piece in its completion, music, singing and all. Do you have it? Or maybe on YouTube?

Let me know, I'd love to hear this.
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Jan 13 20:07:06 2015

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My Review of This will depress you - Trip out by JoanDZombie2RC
Not boredom
Just a whole lot of anger, and confusion. I remember you once wrote two reviews on a single article of mine. The first review, you hadn't even read the article. You gave it one star, and condemned the piece... a week or so later, you wrote a second review. You still disagreed with articles, but the piece made sense to you. I remember you, and you've always been particularly stubborn, and angry here, upset at the world, and upset that noe one looks when you cry for help. I'm here, and willing to listen if you ever want to talk, kid. Least I could do for the one who failed my work before she even read it.
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Jan 13 20:03:50 2015

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My Review of Did The Dog Stop Barking Yet? by JoanDZombie2RC
Keywords
What is it that you want most out of life, Joan? You're writing has always been a little chaotic, but there is a desperation about your later, and later work that concerns me. What is it you want?
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Jan 13 20:01:24 2015

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My Review of Why? (suicide) help? by JoanDZombie2RC
It's been a while
It's been a long time since I last read your work, Joan. You're still an angry girl. This work is a little more than mildly disturbing. It's also three years old, and you have more work... still. I'd like to know you're feeling better. You were basically here when I first began on WN, and it would be a shame to see you so miserable.
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JEdwardNolan
Mon Jan 12 21:46:59 2015

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My Review of This is not a Poem by augustrush
Giving in
Submission to the world outside our control; the world within our control, and to the world we wish to create; the wisdom isn't in submitting, but understanding that success means we *have* to submit to these things. We cannot tailor what comes our way, but we can absolutely manage how we face it, what we do, and we can sure as hell fight for how we want it to end.

Five stars.
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Dec 23 17:49:00 2014

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My Review of Untitled by Gurari
Love
Who is the person for whom this is written?

I have a tendency not to critique poetry as often as I do anything else, as poetry is a translation of the heart, and soul into words. If I see something that could express itself more powerfully, I may make suggestions, but I did enjoy this piece, and I hope its recipient was receptive to your adoration, and reciprocal.

You've only three pieces of work, and you certainly need more, if you're still an active user. I'll read them if you keep posting them, and though I may ramble, I can promise you I'll never leave you a single sentence review, nor half-ass my commentary. You put yourself into your work; I should put the same effort into my reviews.

Hope to see more soon.

- Oka
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Dec 23 17:44:38 2014

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My Review of America by Gurari
Fire in the Sky
Well this piece speaks a much clearer message to me than Anti, and forgive my ignorance on that dizzying piece.

This piece has a pretty clearly defined line in the sand, and the last line could be considered one of multiple meanings - the notion that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, or more violently, the effect the heat of a particularly explosive detonation has on sand and stone, turning it to glass. The latter seems more akin to the truth, if you take "nothing can block the sun from warming" as the explosion itself, and not simply an allusion of global warming, and green house gasses/houses of glass.

4.5 on this piece.
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Dec 23 17:40:28 2014

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My Review of Anti by Gurari
Crank it up
This piece struck me as unusually chaotic, with violent undertones, and leaves me wondering if anyone else knows who Ennio Morricone is. I'm certainly not the type to leave half-assed single sentenced reviews for the sake of achieving my own ends (or utilizing this terribly inconvenient point system); I read your poem, and for whatever reason, my mind tries to reach out in eight different directions while I'm attempting to comprehend it... not to say it wasn't good. It was very good. Just... chaotic.

It literally makes me dizzy reading it, and I feel like the person speaking in the poem is locked in war, though it never states it. I also sense a discord with use of firearms in the idea of war.

During this poem, reading the person's POV, I'm taken to descriptions of American Soldiers in the Vietnam Conflict, and the Marine's use of the word "Hardcore" keeps coming to mind, especially where the POV is talking about having a woman on the tip.

Maybe I'm interpreting your poem incorrectly altogether. All I know is, whether I understand this piece, or not, I enjoyed it to it's dizzying effect. I'll have to keep my eyes open for your work.

- Oka
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Dec 23 17:16:03 2014

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My Review of wildwood by WakeTheMoon
The scents of memory
I liked this piece, a lot. I think it's a beautiful representation of memory, and so my only concerns in critique were adding, or taking a way a single word, here or there, to push the power of emotion in a stanza. For instance.

"...Our carefree world was
like a honey-dipped poem"

I felt you were telling me what your memory of the world was at that time, rather than showing me. The same sentence could read:

"our carefree world was a honey-dipped poem."

Maybe not for everyone, but for me, removing the simile, and making it simply what it was *feels* more alive in how it's written. Our carefree world was a honey dipped poem. Just saying it out loud makes my heart weigh heavily with indistinct memories I cannot place, but I know were real, at least once upon a time...

...and that is what your poem does to me. I believe if you polished this diamond of a poem it could really, really shine. 4.5 from me, and a hope that you'll consider polishing it to increase its power.
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Dec 23 16:23:35 2014

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My Review of You left without saying goodbye by thomasrkingjr
Better to have loved?
That cliche, "Better to have loved, and lost, than never to have loved at all..." I take as romantic drivel by people trying to justify the loss itself. I am, unfortunately, a person whose memory isn't something easily forgotten, and years after the fact of many hardships, I still relive them time to time. Details of memory so real, they're clear as if they're happening. I suppose maybe that is why I used to write what I used to write.

Reading your work here tells me a lot of the same effect, that the memories are painful. I understand, and I sympathize. I can relate.

For some who read this sort of work, for those who sympathize, and empathize, this work can reopen old wounds. A writer's duty is to affect their audience. I believe that even if someone has not experienced loss of this type, if they can empathize, they'll understand. The way you convey loss is very clear. Mildly painful for those who feel words a little sharper than they should, or in my case at least, wish they did not.
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Apr 9 01:10:55 2013

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My Review of Feel Me Up by Alitzah
...a strange reality.
Neglecting to mention (or rather ignoring to mention) the content of this piece, it in itself is wildly, and vastly superior to your first two, one of which has landed 20 views so far, and a few comments.

I'm not certain what it is about sexuality that makes people uneasy, especially when the work is performed in a manner that is certainly provocative... But not pornographic in nature. Erotica is a genuine art form, and seldom captured for what it is, rather than what it isn't, but bearing its label all the same. I'm going to read the rest of your work soon. Use your points. The more you post, the more I have to read.
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JEdwardNolan
Mon Apr 8 23:41:09 2013

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My Review of That's my Dreamworld by Alitzah
Juvenile - but - great
I'm not going to go on about how good I think the poem is because we talk offsite about your work. However I did say I'd insure you can keep posting your work because its intense, and I like it. A lot.
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JEdwardNolan
Sun Dec 23 08:46:15 2012

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My Review of Walking away from you by VAMPIREFREAK19
Garbage
Not your poem. My favorite band. Such sadness, and such beauty in the sadness of their lyrics. Shirley Manson sings in one song:

"You told me you don't love me / over a cup of coffee / and I just have to look away...
A million miles between us / planets crash into dust / and I just let it fade away...

So, no of course we can't be friends / not while I still feel obsessed / I guess I always knew the score / this is how our story ends..."

1) I'm so entirely thrilled to see after two long years you're beginning to heal.
2) I'm so entirely sorry to see that someone had hurt you in such a way that you became the spurned woman. That woman who empowers the one who hurt you to keep hurting you. No man deserves that free ticket.
3) The song I just quoted is called "Cup of Coffee". One of my exes gave it to me. It's sad, beautiful, melodic, and unnervingly real. It strikes me every time I hear it. Garbage, as a group, as a whole, are an amazing group. You might even like them if you give them a listen, starting with Garbage: Garbage, Garbage 2.0, and Beautiful Garbage.

I wish you the best, and I hope VF19 you'll let me know how you're feeling in the future. Not because we're friends, or comrades, or because I commented on a piece or two written by you, but because writers of the Writers-Network are a large, loose family. We should all hope you'll be alright.
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JEdwardNolan
Sun Dec 23 08:39:16 2012

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My Review of look at the lies by VAMPIREFREAK19
Victim of Love
I follow stories, and I see patterns. I saw your response to something written by KimmyJ and you're a little more than scarred. You've become that girl that becomes that woman that men see and crave. They crave, but only in the way that this man did when he spurned you.

Two years passed since you posted that information. Two years since I last came on to WN, and I never knew you then, or the two years before that. You're young. I can only hope you've overcome this grief. No man is worth hurting for.
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JEdwardNolan
Sun Dec 23 08:04:33 2012

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My Review of What I Would Say to Death by Keneisha
Descending a Spiral
It's been so long since I last reviewed a piece of your work... since I was last on this site until most recently when I realized what a f*cktard I've been for abandoning my one artistic passion.

You grew up, didn't you? Yes, but we recall, I have a love for darkness, and you have a passion for writing in it. So I read this piece, and I'm seeing that girl I reviewed two years ago. You were what, sixteen, and seventeen? Now, you're 19 years old, a college student, and I'm no longer in my late 20s. I can't even claim to be in my early 30s as I'll hit the mid mark at 33 this April (middle 30s is 33 - 36, right?).

What is is that makes you crave death? You write about her/him like a prom date that didn't show up with your corsage, a bride/bridegroom that didn't show at the altar. You write about death like an old friend whose abandoned you, and it's a little disturbing to me.

Your style's matured, and I knew it would way back when I reviewed your work "Silent Whispers", and you've come a way from being someone who is uncertain in their self, to someone who knows so much more, is learning so much more, and yet desires still to be gone, gone, gone.

Maybe it isn't death you want, but you certainly seem poised toward something like it. Anonymity. A new start. A new life, or a life where no one sees you. A Pseudo-existence?

I digress.

This piece is well written, and I could go on about what you were feeling, and why I think you were feeling it, but that's not a review, that a psychological, and emotional examination, and that's not what this is all about, is it? We're both adults, and your business is your own.

Your prose is beautiful, Keneisha, and I hope to God you pursue your talents, publish, and live a beautiful life. Life. Talent like yours would be wasted on anything else, but life.

M
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JEdwardNolan
Sun Dec 23 06:31:51 2012

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My Review of absinthe by pleiades
The essence of Ahhh.
They say less is more, and for a fifteen word challenge, this piece is actually really good. I've said it a thousand times, and I'll say it again: Reviewing poetry is difficult. It's easy in the sense that I can say "Oh yeah, sure. I enjoyed your piece." I can say why, "I like that they're worn out, chilling out in the path of a fan... too at ease to take a drag off the clove (and so it burns itself out."

The hard part of poetry is grading it. How do you grade something someone feels? If you say you're in love, do I give you 3.5 stars because your love doesn't feel as strongly to me as the next writer's?

Nah. It's hard because the scope of someone's poetry can be written well, or very poorly, but the translation of emotion is clear.

Especially in this piece. 3.5 stars because it's a good poem, and it's cool to see you met a challenge head on. .5 Stars (for a total of 4.0) because anyone who's ever experienced this scene knows exactly what you're talking about. If they're lucky.

Thank you for posting, and I hope my review was a quality review. Feel free to solicit me in the future for further reviews if you would like them.

The only thing I can equate to the feeling of a post coital interlude is that first drink off a freshly cracked ice cold coca cola classic (you can't beat the real thing).

M
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JEdwardNolan
Fri Dec 21 20:07:56 2012

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My Review of The One Thing by bianca
Some thoughts?
It's hard to review/critique poetry. Poetry is how someone feels, and how they feel about that subject... or it's a blurb on a hallmark card. Yours is more than a blurb on a hallmark card, and I think that simply praising you for how moving your poem is would be a disservice to you, so I have a few suggestions... they don't change your poem, just some of its grammatical errors. This is one of those pot calling the kettle black sort of things, because I know I use passive sentences, but maybe not as often in poetry... and I believe poetry to be stronger without it. So, I hope you are not offended with my suggestions. I have nothing but respect for you.

The top portions are your original stanzas, the bottom my suggested revisions.

The mistakes that I have ran from,
have followed me down this road.
Baggage weighing me down heavily,
with every step that it's towed.
* * *
The mistakes that I ran from
Followed me down this road.
Baggage weighing me down heavily,
with every step as it's towed.
* * *

An unsought search for a northern star,
that may guide me to my place.
To mend all of the broken pieces,
and fill up this empty space.
* * *
An unsought search for a northern star,
that may guide me to my place.
To mend all of the broken pieces,
Filling up this empty space.

* * *

My arms stay stretched in front,
pushing all who come too close.
While my heart betrays its body,
inviting you to revive this ghost.
* * *
My arms stay stretched in front,
pushing all who come too close.
While my heart betrays its body,
inviting you to revive this ghost. (no changes)

* * *
I look to you expectantly,
and this I fear the most.
For one more drink of heartache,
may just be my lethal dose.
* * *
I look to you expectantly.
This I fear the most.
One more drink of heartache,
may be my lethal dose.

* * *

To trust you is to finally let rise,
all that I have buried deep within.
Can I let you dissolve the armor
that has coated my very skin?
* * *
To trust you is to let rise,
all I buried deep within.
Can you dissolve this armor
that became my very skin?

* * *

I look to the heavens with questions,
unspoken words that are conveyed.
Wondering if you are the answer,
to the one thing for which I have prayed.
* * *
I look to the heavens, with questions,
unspoken words, conveyed.
Wondering if you're the answer,
the one person who I prayed.
* * *

I have a habit of counting syllables in Iambic Pentameter, and this obsessive trait helps me better find a flow with words, and what words removed could create a more powerful, and moving piece. For me, poetry (even hallmark cards) should be a conduit of translated emotion, written words someone imbues with their soul. I believe that sometimes what we feel, and what we think are at war (such as the context in the poem, pushing people away, drawing them near; wanting to let people in, but becoming the wall/armor that keeps them out). I believe, when we write, that often the mind wins a good part of the battle, and we through in passive sentences to give our work what our mind feels is a more grand gesture, but what our hearts translate as a hiccup. Or I could be a madman obsessed with counting syllables, and formulating sentence structure. Heh. Either way, I liked your poem, and wanted to share my two cents.

I miss talking to you time to time. Your council is always welcome with me.

M.
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JEdwardNolan
Fri Dec 21 09:08:38 2012

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My Review of Patron Saint of Poor Poor Farmers by Xena
Spooky? No. Fun? Yes.
Oh my God, you're hilarious. Can't people see this? Sorry I had to give you only 3.5 stars for this piece, because I feel like it deserves four... but there's a lot to talk about with this piece.

1) I felt like you wrote, and rewrote this. I could be wrong, but the formula, and structure you used was solid, and that's not something done generally on the fly.
2) Nice piece of flash fiction, yo. You managed to establish characters, and personalities in seconds, what often takes paragraphs, pages, and chapters.
3) The mathematical use of neg x neg = pos was hilarious. Also the religious satire mixed with emotional equations, and the nature of creatures, both man and beast was funny. I also like how her sainthood only fed the children of africa for about two years.
4) Corn has no real nutritional value. Hilarious.

Yeah. You're winning with this piece, and while people say spooky, or creepy, I'm totally getting your sense of humor with this. Oh man, you should bottle this stuff and sell it from the back of a stage coach.

Work on your sentence structure, spelling, and for God sake, please with your punctuation. You've got a LOT of talent, you spin an amazing story, and I think that as you continue to write - IF - you continue to write, I'll be there reading, and critiquing, and reviewing along the way.

Oh, and this is being nominated for a spotlight. It may only be a 3.5, but only 3.5 because I need to concentrate to read it. This would make a hilarious cartoon bit for one of those adult cartoon festivals.

M
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Feb 14 05:44:58 2012

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My Review of Road to Nowhere by janeblond
A short word on this one.
The poetry is nice, Aussie. I had trouble concentrating on it, as I feel like you write it in a one inch margin. It took a few reads through, but I made it to the end, and no worse for wear, oy? So my suggestion is maybe that you could perhaps pull the structure into longer stanzas if they'll still work for you.

Three point five out of me this time, but I did enjoy the piece, and I hope you keep on writing.

CF
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Feb 14 05:41:52 2012

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My Review of The Softest Touch by janeblond
Nurse, check his pulse.
Well done with your description. I particularly like this piece, and not for its erotic tones, but for the fact that you did it very well. Some people, erotic poetry is written more as smut. Some, not enough to raise a brow.

This is the Goldilocks of your poetry, so far. Just right. You get a 4.0 out of me, AND I don't actually have a critique for this piece. It's very personal, as Eros would intend, and I appreciate it as it is, and how it tells the story.
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JEdwardNolan
Tue Feb 14 05:39:12 2012

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My Review of Window to the World by janeblond
Not a Dark piece...
...just a dark setting.

You're really not bad, kid. Not at all. Toward the end of this poem your pace starts skipping around a bit, but that's all whatever in the details, oy? The real issue I have here is that you clearly understand the medium you're working with, and I feel like you're holding back... and I cannot imagine why.

I would like to challenge you to try writing a poem that doesn't necessarily rhyme, and also to try your hand at Haiku! With Haiku your ability to tell the poem is only three lines, verse one is five syllables, verse two is seven, and verse three is five again... but verse three is not to do with the first two verses. A fast mockup, for Example:

Beauty, Blonde, and Bright (5)
Her heart is a rising sun7)

She seldom knows sleep. (5)

Now, this requires we count syllables, not words.

Perpendicular (5)
How I hate Mathematics. (7)
Today I missed lunch. (5)

Basically, the first two sentences capture one part of what we sense, and the last part reflects upon it. Clearly in this haiku I was too busy in class, or with homework, and despite how much I hate it... I missed my lunch, and that sucks.

You should mess around with Haiku. I think you'd have fun with it, and you can create some REALLY beautiful work with it, and some fun work, and some deep work, so on, so forth.

I also recommend you look for this small book called "Japanese Death Poems"...

These are beautiful works written by samurai, and notable historic Japanese. (This includes Zen Monks).

Some of the Samurai wrote their haiku prior to, or during the act of Seppuku (ritual suicide for failure to win battle, follow orders, or succeed in some way, or another; the death returns their honor).

Some of the Samurai were able to run theirself through with their tanto, write their poem, and then take the beheading that followed, leaving their last thoughts with some REALLY interesting takes on what the world looks like at the moment of death.

This dark, and somewhat macabre book is one beautiful poem, after the next. I highly recommend it.
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