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Abracadabra
Tue Oct 22 07:22:41 2013

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My Review of The Darkness by SOjeda
This comes from a desperate place and with a few tweaks your reader might really feel how dark it is there - if that's what you wish.
Did you mean wonder or wander? Both work and I'm sorry to nitpick, but it makes a huge difference. I prefer wonder myself.
With your permission, here's an edit of your version for you to mull over.


I wonder outside
in search of the darkness--
not the absence of sun or light
but the cold, familiar emptiness of true darkness
the hollow feeling within
which never truly leaves.

One day,
I shall welcome its cold embrace
to smuggle my soul from the last of the light
leaving all that's bright and shiny
a shadow in the dust.

How I long for that darkness
to sate me
with the the thrill of its final blow.

All just MHO of course - ^hope something there helps.
~ Abra
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Abracadabra
Tue Oct 22 06:33:19 2013

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My Review of Drinking Again by JamesAllen
Well penned, James - an appropriately bitter write given the circumstances.

There must be few things uglier than a drunken woman falling off the wagon.
If this is happening in your life now - you have my sympathy.

The ' bells' ending packs a punch alright - but I wonder if the kick might sound even stronger if you tweaked it to

" familiar as the sound
of Sunday's hollow bells"

^all JMHO of course

Best ~ Abra
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Abracadabra
Thu Feb 14 06:01:43 2013

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My Review of Remember, remember by IggyInin
Best thing I've read all day!
You don't need to apologise for the way you feel.
Especially not on a poetry website. Mostly poets lean torwards things morbid and sad.
Poetry is about expressing what you want, how you want & you've done your best to create a meaningful write, but no poem is ever finished so get tweaking.
There's lot of potential in what you written thus far.
Using "Remember, remember" rather than just once, is maybe too cliche for the truth behind this poem - it doesn't need that kind of frill to dress it up.
The faeries of imagination are the best part.
But they need more description and some of your readers may require help to get the idea. So find a way to inject some colour into the piece - make them flit through green shadows at the bottom of the garden on silvery wings - or whatever you saw with your Aunt. Vivid imagery always works best.

Hope something here helps^
Best ~ Abra
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Abracadabra
Thu Feb 14 04:46:23 2013

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My Review of Pariah by gretzky17
I do feel a lot of pain behind this, but there's a great deal more required if you want to write effectively for others.
It may be that therapeutic self expression is all you're aiming for and so on that level this probably works.
But if you want to be taken seriously, then you'll need to bust a gut until you come up with some original imagery that reveals the real poet you.
Keep writing (& reading)
JMHO ~ Abra
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Abracadabra
Thu Feb 14 04:25:08 2013

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My Review of Ketchup by RisingPoet
At last, not another cheese laden Valentine's Day poem......!
Even though I do adore ketchup as a welcome and appropriate accompaniment to liven up certain dishes, I am able to emphathise with the troubled sentiment behind your culinary snippet.
It tastes better if you keep it in the fridge, btw!
Thanks for the read.
Best ~ Abra
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Abracadabra
Thu Feb 14 04:10:55 2013

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My Review of Benefits of Jusuru Life Blend on joint connections by jonemathew
The star ingredient of Jusuru Life Blend, BioCell Collagen, is the 2011 winner of the Frost & Sullivan award for Best Bone & Joint Health ingredient and it is the only nutritional ingredient recognized for the best practices in bone and joint health industry. Thirteen fruits that play important roles in Jusuru Life Blend formula are grapes, blueberries, apples, strawberries, mangosteen, pomegranate, jujube, acai berry, goji, cranberry, noni, maqui and nopal.

With all those wonderful ingredients why would you resort to spamming a poetry website???
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Abracadabra
Thu Feb 14 03:49:50 2013

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My Review of Jusuru Life Blend Promotes Active Joints by jonemathew
Jusuru International is a leading company that specializes in formulating and providing a wide range of advanced nutritional supplements made with the utmost care and highest quality ingredients. Jusuru Life Blend, the company's flagship product, is a cutting-edge liquid nutraceutical that promotes younger looking skin, active joints and healthy aging. Known as one of the most innovative supplements available, Jusuru Life Blend offers a unique combination of science- substantiated ingredients and antioxidant-rich phytonutrients that support a healthier life. It is the only liquid supplement that contains multi-patented BioCell Collagen, containing the constituents collagen, hyaluronic acid and chondroitin sulfate, which are considered essential for healthy joints and skin.

What a wonderful product - why would you need to spam a poetry website???
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Abracadabra
Thu Feb 14 03:46:03 2013

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My Review of Lets make love under the stars above by poetcook
I think your opening imagery is a tad skewed in that new born babies arrive into the world covered in all sorts of nasty stuff that isn't very romantic.
Your grammar is not the best in a couple of places and cliche birds flying in the sky wont win you any prizes either. Nibbling on titties that much can make them sore, btw.
But I wont downplay your enthusiasm, nor the genuine sentiments behind your writing.
All JMHO.
Keep writing and work at improving ~ Abra
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Abracadabra
Thu Feb 14 03:32:43 2013

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My Review of Get an Activ Web Design Franchise by arnolf
Bluesky Group offers the Activ Web Design Franchise, which gives people a great chance to run an online business. An entrepreneur who wants to improve his quality of life but does not have any technical training can be a successful web designer with the help of the Activ Web Design software offered by the company. Anyone with a computer and an Internet connection, along with a zeal to learn, can start his own business with the assistance provided. The company provides the required all training and support. This work from home business opportunity is great for all those entrepreneurs who are hard working and willing to learn new skills.

I offer proofreading services at reasonable rates - feel free to contact me via pm....
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Abracadabra
Thu Feb 14 03:29:02 2013

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My Review of Sweet Valentine, Mine ( Rhyming Couplets ) by Richard
For me, your penultimate couplet was the best. I don't think this will land you a job at Hallmark any day soon, but an agreable fun read nonetheless.
Best ~ Abra
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Abracadabra
Wed Jul 18 05:34:09 2012

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My Review of A Woman Wanton.. by Fyrestar
It's not easy to write erotic and make it work.
A word out of sync and everything can tumble like a pack of cards.
'Spews' (gushes?) wasn't really sexy for me here, but that aside it's a valiant effort.
If I'm honest, I would have preferred more revealing intimate revelation about you the writer, instead of wolves and demons popping up to lead me away from the more important details... perhaps describing the flush on your breasts, those tiny beads of perspiration forming on your neck, etc.
^But it's only just my humble opinion.
Thanks for the read ~ Abra
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Abracadabra
Thu Jul 12 08:40:32 2012

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My Review of As crazy as skydiving. by NeekyNeek
Great opening - a light and entertaining read which I enjoyed a lot.
I think that the editing you mention certainly paid off
(I confess no poem of mine is ever finished).
With that in mind a couple of minor suggestions for you to consider - how about 'cramming' your cheeks in Line 11 & for L15 try "heart first" into hoping.
The repetition will be gone of course, but I don't think that in itself provides strong enough emphasis to add anything to your poem.
I'd also look at tweaking the close to give a slightly smoother exit
- perhaps...

" Face first in the mud
And then look up at the clouds
to remember...."

Hope you find something here^ that might be of use in a small way.

Happy writing ~ Abra
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Abracadabra
Sun Jul 8 04:21:11 2012

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My Review of night vision by sachio
Effective enjoyable haiku, which leaves its mark on the mind of the reader.
When I look at this type of poetry I am always awed by the level of difficulty it can present for a serious writer.
When you only have fifteen words to play with there is no margin for error - one wrong word choice and the whole thing collapses in a heap.
Happily you have succeeded in avoiding that trap.

Kudos ~ Abra
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Abracadabra
Sun Jul 8 04:09:01 2012

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My Review of Uncut by poetrymaz
Well now, if it takes a tipple or two to bring out the story behind your lines, then it could be wise for you to imbibe more often, if only to get closer to the poet-you.
As a confession, this wont make the earth tremble, but as a tete-a-tete with your reader it's delightfully effective, honest and heartfelt.

Best ~ Abra
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Abracadabra
Sun Jul 8 03:58:40 2012

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My Review of Pouvez-vous by DJKawayt
Tres interresant to see this in English and in French.
It somehow adds an almost mystical and strangely romantic flavour which I suppose highlights what a lyrical language French can be.
I would have liked this to carry on for a bit as I'm sure there's much more to this particular story.
Enjoyed.

Best ~ Abra
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Abracadabra
Sat Jul 7 05:27:03 2012

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My Review of Melted Dessert by purpleg8
Very impressed by your use of descriptive language, but I do wonder about your tenses though.
I think the way the poem flows might benefit from some additional scrutiny and I'd probably do some edits keeping the principle of "less is more" in mind

I tinkered around with your opening, hopefully to illustrate better what I mean:

On the back seat of a rusty blue Subaru
watery chocolate maples melt forgotten
like the wasted verse of an old lover
who sat up late in steamy bedsheets
crafting miracles as though it were a career

Hope something here^ may be of use - if not feel free to ignore me!

Best ~ Abra
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Abracadabra
Sun Jun 24 11:16:31 2012

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My Review of Quick Solutions For coupons for red lobster - A Ne by couponsforonzj
I wonder if Red Lobster know you are promoting them with pigeon English & dodgy grammar. Never mind the coupons the way this is cobbled together is enough to put anyone off seafood for life. Instead of asking the kitchen help to do the proofreading
why not hire a decent writer to put the case effectively...
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Abracadabra
Sun Jun 24 11:02:46 2012

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My Review of Separately Together by Jiffy
I'm sure you know poetry provides great therapy.
Dealing with the breakdown of any relationship is always difficult and it's even harder if circumstances dictate that distancing yourself from the other person isn't an option.
Somehow you have to overcome all the bitterness, regret, anger and disappointment this poem indicates you are feeling.
Only when you have managed that, will you be able to move on to a better place in your life (wherever you decide that may be).
But I'm sure you'll find your way again - you have only to remember all the strength you need comes from within. Go bravely.

~ Abra

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Abracadabra
Sun Jun 24 10:42:19 2012

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My Review of Night Swimming by Jiffy
Bravo!
That repetition created the atmosphere so effectively that by the end of the poem I swear I could smell the sea!.
Well done
~ Abra
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Abracadabra
Sun Jun 24 03:44:27 2012

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My Review of To the Lighthouse by arigel2010
A gem - stunningly intense and original.
Your well crafted lines go a long way to restoring my faith in the standard of poetry posted here and on the internet in general.
Those moth balls were truly spectacular - a revelation - after all that's what good poetry should be about - seeing something in a different or a new way.
Thank you for a great read.

Best ~ Abra
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Abracadabra
Sun Jun 24 03:14:07 2012

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My Review of Mismatch by dlpaget
I know that lots of effort went in to this, but I was left slightly disappointed when you repeated your opening verse for the ending.
This is a longish piece by WN standards perhaps you might considering condensing it somehow, as I struggled in a few places to stay with you.
Although I am not a huge fan of this type of rhyme it did seem to compliment the story being told, which must therefore attest to your powers of construction.

Thanks for the read. (All the above jmho)

Best ~ Abra
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Abracadabra
Sun Jun 24 02:51:52 2012

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My Review of How hard is to Rise by parkala
Even if English isn't your first language, it is essential that you check your grammar & tidy things up before you display it in front of the world.
Please understand that when you post on a writer's site, sloppy just wont cut it I'm afraid.
Try reading this aloud & you'll see what I mean.

Best ~ Abra
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